So whoa, we're having a baby, that still feels weird to type TBH – feeling very lucky and excited for the journey ahead of course, but also mindful that I need to remember and soak it all up as I'm told it will zoom past.

I've been keeping a little pregnancy diary over the last few months to stop me forgetting everything, also so that I have something to go back and reflect on when it all feels like a blur and I'm surrounded by toys and dribble. 

The first twelve weeks were rough, I'm not going to lie. I don't think any amount of well-meaning advice or reading of books can prepare you for the 'I just want to curl up and die' nausea and exhaustion that comes with the first trimester, and if that wasn't fun enough by itself, you can't even TELL ANYONE about it {except your husband and your mum and your best friend, all of whom are sick of hearing how much you need buttered toast and an early night}. 

So, here are a few notes from my diary up to Week 12 {I guess I started about Week 5?}

  • Jumping for joy in the bathroom at 5am on the morning I took a positive test. I also cried, I mean, seeing those two pink lines – like an actual thunderbolt sent from the baby gods.

  • Wandering back to the bedroom feeling totally overwhelmed and telling Mr L when he was half asleep and not really with it.

  • Regretting my decision to tell him then and realising it might have been more fun to tell him when I could see the terrified look in his eyes.

  • Taking four more tests JUST TO MAKE SURE. Two first response, one cheapie and one digital. Always gotta do the digital – that's basically the 'real' one isn't it?

  • Slowly coming to the realisation that we weren't imagining this news.

  • My boobs feeling like rocks strapped to my chest – this was my first 'hmm, maybe I am pregnant?' clue as the night before I tested my friend gave me a huge hug and it huuuuuurrrtt.

  • Feeling like I'd inherited a permanent hangover that couldn't be shaken off - no matter how many cheese toasties I rammed in my face.

  • Being thirsty as hell.

  • Having ridiculous hunger pangs every 2 hours for most of every day. That hunger is unreal, it's literally like you have a bottomless pit of a stomach

  • Wanting nothing but b e i g e food : buttery toast, pasta or chips for all meals

  • Feeling really bad for eating nothing but carbs.

  • Wishing I fancied salad, veg, healthy stuff – but the thought making me want to vom.

  • Feeling a bit fat and gross and swollen but not in a nice way at all.

  • Needing a wee all the time.

  • Googling the shit out of pregnancy. Wanting to know EVERYTHING that was happening or going to happen to me.

  • Thinking that I'd imagined pregnancy and just had a virus.

  • Waking up an dry-heaving my way to the loo each morning.

  • Hating the smell of air fresheners, perfume and aftershave. Eugh. So overpowering.

  • Going off all sweet food.

  • Feeling a bit overwhelmed by all the 'advice' thrust upon me by well-meaning friends and family.

  • Downloading ALL the apps to track baby's progress and my weekly symptoms.

  • Constantly worrying about losing the baby.

  • Excruciating round ligament pain {the side bits that hold you uterus in place, appaz}

  • Period-like pains that felt like something was wrong. Obvs not. Just more womb action/stretching shizzle.

  • Being so tired I couldn't keep my eyes open beyond 9.30pm.

  • Crying at the teeny tiniest thing.

  • Crying at nothing in particular.

  • Having super angry days where I hated everyone for no particular reason.

  • Missing out on a work trip to Las Vegas in favour of putting my health first. That sucked a lot.

  • Having to lie through my teeth to people I really wanted to tell for several weeks.

  • Weeks feeling like months. Actually, years.

  • Willing on Christmas, which would be past the 12 week mark – and everyone important knowing.

  • Being totally unfazed by the absence of alcohol in my life, even during party season. Say whaaa?!

  • Seeing our tiny peanut shaped baby for the first time at the dating scan.

  • Being amused that he or she was upside down and curled up asleep.

  • Feeling ridiculously excited/amazed to see his or her legs wiggling briefly.

  • Breathing a huge sigh of relief when 12 weeks had passed.

~ ceels